Soul'd out..

With so many things happening so fast, I only can say that the year has been no less than a roller-coaster ride for me. It was good, it was bad and it was ugly at times. Now that I don't have a series of exams to write or the compulsory classes to attend, I can say I am no more a "university student". I have got no more of university going life left for this year marked a start of new but different phase in my life although i believe education is for life and not just for making a living. It was a mixture of many feelings as the part of me was still unsure if it was ready to make the phase transition. Now i believe it couldn't have come at a better time. The past couple of months that saw a different kind of tsunami in the markets with the global economic meltdown making sure none of the private sectors were left unaffected. I wonder what is next ? Worst even was the terror attacks in Mumbai. How much more monstrous can an act of terror be ?

The year so far has been full of surprises for me, although I am not sure if I wanted them. I must say I had a very trying year with me not realizing the cause or the effect of the sequence of events unfolding in my life. Someone rightly said, God will always test a good man, but will never let him down. I know God has never let me down but HIS tests are never that obvious, are they ? They leave me completely soul'd out yet they never make me feel a lost soul. At times, it was me being the sole reason for discomfort to some. May be the helping part of me was equally busy hurting others, may be I was not being myself. I am not the sort of person to wallow in self-pity but only I know, how much did I hate myself then. Was it me ? Rubbing people up the wrong way. I don't know. All I know is that I have taken myself out with two words to myself.. "move on". It is not always what you see is what you get (or is it ?) and I have almost learnt to live with these surprises. Sometimes exciting and sometimes depressing. There is something about them that make life more fascinating. For some others, the twists and turns of the roller-coaster ride that life takes one through leaves one with a bitter and 'I-better-forget-that' kinda experience. Thats life for you. It can never be predictable, can it be ? But then, God doesn't play dice either, nor does he want us to i believe for the theory of probability unfortunately (or fortunately) can not be extended to the real life. Its the theory of living in the present that i believe in.

No matter how much the past may bother one, the fact is the past is unchangeable. The past is supposed to make us not repeat our own mistakes and I have learnt it in a hard way. At times circumstances have demanded me to act strange (may be even weird) and me not having learnt from my mistakes, didn't wimp out of it. There's many things i wish i didn't do. Now I know one mustn't make the same mistake twice and if one is clever enough he would learn from others' mistakes too. Future, in my belief is all about achieving one's goals and dreams. Dreams have their own place in everyone's life. Of what use is a life if only it is lived without any dreams. They set a standard for oneself and they have the quality that drives one to turn them into reality. Future isn't something that one needs to wait and watch it getting unfolded. Its all about make it happen and fate isn't blamed for anything for they believe they make their own fate. One can never deny the fact that, the past has a definite influence in one's life and the present in turn makes way for future. There has to be a balance maintained though to make the most now and that.. happens when one lives in the present. Nothing happens in life without a reason, be it the people we meet or the happiness or sadness that some incidents bring in our life.. it is only to make us stronger. Some might believe, life just hurts all the time. Oh, yeah ? Then one should picture one's life with only happier times with no bad patches. I bet one can never appreciate the brightness of the day unless one has seen the darkness that night brings with it. Its only one chance we have got to live this life with choice left to us. Life isn't all about just living it the way it wants us to. It is also about showing life the way we want to live it and the path we take matters the most for a gun can be used to kill a terrorist or to take an innocent's life. Perceptions do make a difference to our lives. All the hurt and agony that life may bring in one's life can never equal the sweetness of a single moment of joy. Its not enough to accept life for what it is. One must also learn to accept life for what it is not and surrender oneself completely to the Almighty..